Rounding Up the Poker April Fools Jokes

April fool’s Day might be a good laugh for most people but it is an absolute nightmare when you write daily news reports. A couple of times in my career I have come a cropper to a subtle April Fools story which I went on the write up as genuine news. It has got to the point where I now reply to any press release with “Is this an April fool’s joke?” even if it is the most run of the mill story you can think of.

As a result, I am always on my guard this day of the year and thankfully I think I have managed duck the biggest poker news japes of the day.I must say it was easy this year, the ones I have seen have been really bad.

Stars were quite blatant in their own efforts, actually calling the one off April fools items in their VIP store April Fools Gifts:

The WSOP didn’t really attempt to make their own gag very subtle, suggesting that they were actually going to host a strip poker bracelet event. I can’t really imagine anyone fell for it, it would have been much better had they gone for a $1 million buy-in event or something like that.


Decent effort from Blondepoker.

Not sure anybody could have really believed this one from APAT.

I thought the point of April Fools jokes was to trick someone? Poor effort from Cards Chat too.

In fact the only real win was this Fricke Roll video:



Has anyone seen any decent ones today?

UPDATE!!!!!

Thanks to the legend that is @KevMath for these two, much better:

Eric Seidel Accused of Collusion

Darvin Moon is Broke (I might have actually believed this one).

Everythings Amazing & Nobodys Happy

Does anyone else think we live in the greatest ages ever that a person could live technologically? I think we take a lot for granted these days but I for one am constantly amazed at how good we have it these days. I have just returned from the Dentists after two pain free fillings that took 20 minutes tops, which in itself seems like a real blessing and sign of how far things have advanced.

Ten years ago I had a housebrick of a mobile phone that made calls, text messages and had the game snake – that was it and I was amazed by what a technological breakthrough it was. These days I check my emails from the supermarket, buy things online and share pictures of the dog with the world all from the comfort of my hand. I got a new phone over the weekend and couldn’t believe the words coming out of my mouth when I said to the guy in the phone shop “The camera has to be at least 8 mega pixels”.

At least 8 mega pixels.

For a phone.

It wasn’t that long ago that I was bragging about my Cannon Ixus having more than 1 mega pixels, and here I am demanding 8 times that amount for a phone.

We live in an age where you can’t lose touch with friends and relatives. The chances of me not being able to locate someone I know are close to impossible because of Facebook – of course it also means privacy is potentially a thing of the past, but who cares, all I do is put pictures of my dog on there.

Of course the biggest thing for me, and this is perhaps why I think of it more than most, is that I am able to work with people from all around the world, write a book with one in New York no less, all from the comfort of my own home. In my own case I really do feel like I have to pinch myself when I think of how easy so many things are in life.

How lucky we all are to live in an age where we can expect such things? In fact were it not for things like wifi, laptops, smartphones and social media, I don’t think I would have a job (That I like) right now – and these are all things that didn’t exist when I was at University. All of which makes me wonder what is round the corner in the next decade or so.

I could go on but I would end up sounding like that guy that cried when he saw a rainbow on YouTube. Speaking of which, this video pretty much sums up what I have been trying to say.

The Funniest Boxing Video on the Internet

If there is one thing my late Father loved is when a young cocky British fighter would act incredibly brash then get put on his arse. There were only a handful of boxers who could showboat and enjoy OTT ring entrances because they were that damned good they could back it up in the ring - Ali, Eubank & Hamed all spring to mind. So when you got some 20 year old up and comer who had only had 4 fights carrying on like they were Ali, he always delighted when they came a cropper. I must say as much as I love supporting British boxers doing well, it rubbed off on me and I would wet myself too.

With that in mind, Ladies and Gentlemen, I present the funniest thing I have seen in a long time, Dad would have loved it:

Stuff I Found Funny This Week

Chinese Gossip Blogger Fights For Freedom To Post Celebrity Up-Skirt Photos

The Mutts Nutts

Although I loved my time as a full time poker journalist, one thing I was looking forward to by taking this marketing role would be that I would no longer have to interview 20 year olds who have been playing for a year and managed to turn a microstakes bankroll into millions.

So one of my first assignments is going to be to interview a 20 year old who have been playing for a few years and managed to turn a microstakes bankroll into millions.

I mentioned that poker journalism and marketing are closely intertwined and this is a good example of it. One of the best ways of marketing something is to create something people would want to read anyway, which is why I have opted to do a series of interviews with successful online players that also promote some of our brands. So coming up over the next few weeks will be a series of interviews which include people like Dusty Schmidt, Bodo Sbrznesy and hopefully man of the moment URNOTINDANGER2.

Also coming up next week you can see my first crack at viral marketing, sort of. I produced a short video of me signing up to one of PokerNews’ biggest promotions, which is one where you can get a $50 bonus on PartyPoker without having to deposit. People are naturally suspicious when you are offered free money for nothing, which is why I produced the video to show it was legit. CardRunners quality it aint, and you will see me stutter, errrr, mumble, extended pause and whoops my way through the whole thing. That’s kind of the point though, idiots guide in every aspect.

Elsewhere unfortunately I had to take Charlie in to get the snip yesterday. He is such a gentle dog I didn’t want to do it ever, but the few times he has seen a dog in season he has gone nuts. This week we met a stray dog in season and he chased her out of the park and over a mile away onto a main road, running in front of several cars along the way and narrowly missing being hit. I know because I ran the whole way and was quite impressed with how I kept up with him, though I looked a horrific red faced sweaty site as I did, screaming ‘stop that dog’ all the way.

He rarely even goes more than 40 yards away from me no matter how much fun is having on our walks, so for him to run away like that and put himself in harm’s way was a real eye opener. He seems OK post-op, very whiney but up to his usual silly antics.

This is him btw:


Finally we move house (again, sigh) this weekend to a nice new bigger place, which once again is one road away from the last place. I have lived in 4 places in the last 5 years and all of them have been in the same postcode and all of them one road away from the last. At least if the dog does another runner we have a first place to look for him while he searches for his balls.

This week I am loving the Onion btw:


Breaking News: Some Bullshit Happening Somewhere

Tony Blair Lookalikes

Went to the English Poker Open party last night in Nottingham, it was fun enough. The 'entertainment' for the night was a Tony Blair lookalike. Thats just what you need for a room full of poker players who probably venture out rarely and know very little about the real world, half of them not even from the UK - someone impersonating a former prime minister. The poor bloke died on his arse worse than any stand up I have ever seen, and I used to work in a comedy club.

It did get us wondering about the life and income of a celebrity impersonator. Colchester Kev and I agreed that he probably got at least a grand for the appearance, probably two grand. This was after all an event that (otherwise) pulled out all the stops and was put on for a lot of people with money. Whats more, it reminded me of hearing about what the rate the guy who played Blakey from on the buses charged for one hour back in 1997 - £5000. Now obviously Blakey was the real Blakey, but still, nice work if you can get it.

Edit: Found out - a neat grand for two hours. A David Brent lookalike gets about £1300 for the same time and a Borat lookalike gets £1700.

Probably serves me right for taking the mickey out of him, but on the way home I broke down about 8 miles from my house in Chesterfield. Thankfully plenty of my fellow motorists saw the opportunity to beep me and call me a wanker while I was stood in a laybay waiting for the AA. The clutch went on my car, which normally would be really gutting but I had a real sense of gratitude about the whole thing, as daft as that is. Because I was lucky I broke down near my house, on a hard shoulder, the AA guy came really quickly, I have never had any problems in nearly four years with this particular car and I live about 10 doors down from a clutch specialists. All in all, it could have been much worse. I was more gutted that my naughty little dog tore up his new cushion that cost £20 when I got back than this, which will probably cost me £300 minimum.

We'll wait and see what the garage says I suppose, I am hoping to get down to DTD again at least once while the EPO is on, so lets see if I am still optimistic when I get my quote.

I thought he had 9-6

I was really looking forward to playing a bit of live poker last weekend, as I haven't sat at a real life poker table since Cork, having been preoccupied for 3 months with the new pooch. I went down to Nottingham for the £168 side event at the DTD Deepstack, really had to rush as I missed my turning on the M1 which had been blocked because of roadworks.

I got there just in time to be dealt my first hand, pocket sixes on the button and facing a raise of 150, which is certainly worth the chances of flopping a set, which I did on a J96 flop. All the money goes in and my opponent turns over pocket nines and I am gone before most players have even taken their seats.

The worst/funniest thing was that from a distance, Im sure he had 9-6 (sixes and nines look similar) and I apologised to him for such a cold deck, and was pretty shocked to see the pot get scooped his way.

Hopefully will have more time to play this weekend, when I am going down for the SPUKT main event, which could be the best value local tournament of the year.

Pokernews is going well, although I havent really got started with it yet, what with the WSOP taking up everyones time. Managed to get a quick interview with Julian Thew at DTD between telling him my set over set hand, as well as one with Sida Yuen of BlackBelt Poker fame.

Enjoying my SNGs again, Ive started playing the $119s on Stars now, had an amazing start to the month followed by an awful swing back down again this week, certainly need to put more volume in this month if I am going to make that Stars supernova promo worth the month I spent grinding in May.

Meet Charlie

Wow, another long time no post. Lots of stuff going on, not had the time to write about them I guess.

Playing - finally started playing again online and its gone pretty well, still not putting in massive volume but had a pretty big winning month. Last played about 5 days ago when had a really bad session and ended it ban running aces into sets on consecutive tables. Figured that was a good time to have a break because I have really ran like god all month and wanted to end it on a high.

Killarney - I had to have a break from online play because I went to Killarney for a few days with Ladbrokes for a media shindig ahead of a very good looking festival later on this year. It was good fun, a free bar and some free poker tournaments which I managed to balls up as usual. I also had the pleasure of meeting Snooker bloke Ken Doherty (who called me a cunt, in jest, I hope, when I suggested snooker could be a part of a great new tournament I had in mind called King of Pubs which would be a pub Olympics event with darts, pool, snooker, billiards, poker, arm wrestling and ending in a drinking competition.) and that bloke from Boyzone (Not Ronan, Not the Gay One, Not the Ugly One and Not the One in Coronation Street) who was also there.

Charlie - This is the big news, we finally picked up our Mutt after weeks of waiting. I got stuck at Cork airport for a few extra hours which added to the stress of waiting. He is a lovely little fella, he started off very timid and looked depressed but he really perked up on Saturday and now he is very playful and still very placid. He is also very clever, he seems to have picked up toilet training quite quickly and generally is learning fast.

The little chuff is keeping us up at night though, but we did have a good kip last night. Unfortunately as soon as he arrived, our sodding boiler broker and wont be fixed for a few days, so we have to go round my folks for showers (Which they love, because we bring the pooch) but its making everything much harder. Right now I don't have much time to do anything as its all still very hectic, but he is a lovely little scamp and I will post much more about him when I get 2 minutes to myself.

Anyone want 500 Winamax T-Shirts?

Part of my break from playing poker involves playing poker. For one hour a day I am playing low stakes PLO, simply because I used to know my way around the four card version of hold'em and all of a sudden I don't play it any more. Its quite fun, no pressure, makes a nice change and some of the guys I get coached with are taking it up too, so we are all dissecting hands together. Still staying away from hold'em for the time being, February will hopefully see my fortunes there spin in the right direction.

Started the long grind that is the book. 'Pokers Greatest Prop Bets' is the working title and this week has been the arduous task of compiling as many stories as possible before I start going out and interviewing players. It looks like I already have Ashley Revell (The guy that sold everything he owned and put it on one spin of the Roulette table) on board and I really want to get some time with Erick Lindgren about his golf bet. Obviously there are hundreds of other people, but those are probably my personal favourite stories and a good way to start.

Once again, if anyone can share with me prop bet stories I may not have heard of, even if its low stakes or quite simple stories, I'd love to hear them. Any time someone has uttered the words 'I bet you' in unusual circumstances is what I'm after.

Speaking of unusual circumstances, as you will recall I won my seat to the European Deepstacks next week on Winamax. As fate would have it, my French mate Benjo works for them and I joked with him that I didn't want to wear their gear in case anyone thought I was French.

So Imagine my surprise when three massive boxes turn up yesterday with about 500 Winamax T-shirts inside them. Talk about aggressive tactics to get me to endorse their poker room. Turns out it was some sort of comedy error on their part and a DHL guy is apparently coming round to fetch them (hasn't been yet, 2 days and counting) - he better hurry up because I already have had offers from Barry Neville and Mad Marty Wilson for them.

I'm the luckiest idiot on the planet

Last night I returned from Stevenage and my friends wedding. It was a cracking little affair and I was very proud to be the best man. It nearly turned out to be the worst weekend of the year though and let me tell you, there is no greater feeling than breathing a massive sigh of relief.

I went to be measured at my local Suits You about 2 weeks ago and went to pick up my suit last Wednesday. I then headed down to Stevenage and it wasn't until 11.00pm on Friday night that I glanced at the suit I'd picked up.

It was 2 sizes too small.

The look on my girlfriends face instantly told me there was no way I could wear these garments as I struggled to put them on and indeed take them off. I was close to tears and started swearing and punching some of the fixtures in my hotel room. What followed was a pretty sleepless night as I lie awake thinking I had ruined my best mates wedding.

I came to the conclusion that maybe one of the ushers had it and they had got mixed up. So at 8 in the morning, unable to reach them by mobile, I went down to my reception and got the poor girl working there to ring up every hotel in a 5 mile radius to see if they were there. I eventually discovered that all their suits fitted perfectly.

So sounding a complex mixture of angry and desperate I contacted Suits You at their head office. I explained the situation and told them I essentially had 4 hours for them to rectify their mistake.

"The only way you can get a replacement is if you were able to get to our main warehouse" the young guy told me over the phone.

Shit, I thought, that could be anywhere. "Where is it?" I asked.

"Boreham Wood"

Shit, that sounds miles away. Not knowing where that was punched the postcode into my TomTom. I stared in fear as it calculated the route for me.......

7 minutes it said.

The bloody main warehouse, the only place I could get a suit in time for my friends wedding, was just over 1 mile away. If I had stood on the roof of my hotel I could have seen it no problem.

So 10 minutes later I was trying my new suit on kissing the ground the bloke working there walked on. By 9.45 I had a new suit and got back to my hotel in time for breakfast.

My girlfriend saw how I was upset the night before and was a total star. She kept reassuring me, telling me it wasnt my fault, hugging me, telling me it would be ok etc. As soon as we got the suit she let rip "you bloody idiot how can you not try the suit on before last night! etc etc.

When I got back to the hotel I kept breaking into either dance or laughter. I can honestly say I experienced my lowest and highest point of the year in a 12 hour period. I was so elated by the remarkable good luck I experienced that I had no nerves at all about my speech, which went very well indeed and included a few jokes at my expense for the earlier suit shenanigans.

Words cannot express how lucky I got, of all the places to find out I had the wrong suit hours before a wedding I managed to pick the hotel nearest the only place in the world that could rescue me.

No complaining about bad beat stories from me for a while.

Gay Rag and Bone Men

It’s Wednesday and I’m only just recovering from the weekend, a stag party in the nation’s capital. I was the best man and let everyone down by being the first person to turn in on the Saturday night session, which was pretty grueling, not in the drunken sense but physically.

After a previously sleepless night we made our way into Kings Cross to do a pub crawl of the central line; one pub per stop on the 27 stop tube line. The icing on the cake was that we all had to buy one top and one hat from a charity shop for less than a fiver and randomly assign these clothes to each other.

The session was grueling not because of the fact we were drunk, or hungover, but because after no sleep the night before we found ourselves doing a lot of walking trying to find pubs that were open. A lot of the stops on the central line were in the Business and Commerce districts and nothing was open on a Saturday, which meant that we were often wandering round aimlessly trying to find a backstreet pub. I think we must have covered a good 7 miles at least and it didn’t help that we were all dressed like Gay Rag and Bone men.

I’ve never been one for dressing up like a plonker for a night out and was a bit hesitant. It didn’t help matters that I was given the bright boobtune top and pope hat but when there is a large group of you it takes the sting out of it. The truth is, in any other city you’d feel a berk and put on obligatory Geordie accents (an easy way of communicating “we are on a stag do”), but in London nobody batted an eye lid, in fact half the people in the pubs looked like they were with us anyway.

Still a good time was had by all, especially as it looked like it was set to be a disaster when we were stuck on the M25 in the pissing rain listening to reports of severe weather and terrorist attacks on the radio. Now I have a month to prepare for the best mans speech.